I’ve been seeing Lisa now for well over a year; she lives in fear ‘cos 1 day daddy might find out she’s in love with a N#%&a off the streets

Hola peeps. Estoy moviendo la casa otra vez.

Yeeaahh, it’s Friday….oops, but I am in Warri so that means I am doing squat. Bummer. Last Friday at least I was in PH and even though whatever I got planned ended by 9pm, at least I still did something. While in PH think I heard an ad on radio about a new club opening up that starts at 3pm! Man, if the stakeholders don’t get their act together more businesses could depart PH and turn the place into Warri.

B4 I got to Warri I thought, “Oh well, new location provides an opportunity to partake in new adventures so bring it on. Besides, when I applied for a position at the club I told them I relish challenges.” I think it’s high time all job applicants fashioned a new synonym for ‘challenge’. If I hear anyone use that word again in reference to job opportunities I swear I’ll grow an afro with a bald spot at the centre (aka moon ‘fro). After one night in Warri I thought, “Oh man, I’m gonna spend a year here?! Just when I had convinced myself into spending more time in PH this happens. I am crazy bored.”

Was so bored I signed up for golf lessons. I know what y’all are thinking, Golf? Friggin’ golf? Tunde must be getting old. Nah peeps, playing golf will gimme a chance to pretend I’m Tiger Woods, and for that I’m gonna buy Nike hat, Nike polo shirt, Nike belt, Nike boxer shorts, Nike shower gel and other appurtenances. Peeps, I am going the whole nine. (Geddit? ‘Whole’ rhymes with ‘hole’ on a golf course; nine as in 9-iron golf clubs. Geddit? Aw, forget yous.)

Honestly, playing golf’s not gonna make me feel old. All my close mates getting married, that makes me feel old (more on that later). U know u old when u tell ur dad u been out on a date and he responds, in all seriousness, “Hmm, u went out with Miss X? I know her parents quite well. They are good people. Erm, so when do u want me to meet them ‘officially’ on ur behalf? U do know suitable wedding venues are quite difficult to secure so we’d better get started asap.” (More on that later as well….or maybe not, as I don’t quite fancy more self-flagellation.)

PH news: Remember my soon-to-be-married mate? Dude’s sobriquet is now 95%-married mate ‘cos he FINALLY popped the question to his fiancée, and as expected, she said yes. Phew. Almost developed serious neck injury from his back and forth attempts at proposing: “Do I propose today? Nah, she pissed me off, I’ll hold on….okay, I’ll propose…no, I’d wait…” It was like watching a really long tennis match. Now it’s done I gotta go cop myself a cooker ‘cos know once they get married wifey won’t be as cool with moi badgering them for a home-cooked meal.

Turns out dude proposed while in Lagos. I know it ain’t as foreign as the UK - where he originally intended to ask for her left finger closest to the pinky - but it sure beats PH. Maybe he finally summoned up courage after a colleague of ours hinted he was going to propose while vacationing in Dubai with his long-time girlfriend. Nada like some healthy competition between men to get jewellery on women’s fingers, huh? Maybe I’d do more research on this and publish an article in COSMO, One sure way to get him to propose.

Anyways other mate’s not back from Dubai yet, but if he did pop the question there then he’s gotta search for a larger apartment in PH and I wish him the best ‘cos there are some crazy PH landlords out there. One mate had to move outta his apartment before his rent was due ‘cos his landlord chugged diesel into the water borehole system in order to evict another tenant. Yup, ‘cos of one tenant seven others had to pay the price. I’m sure it makes sense in some twisted psychotic sorta way.

Another married mate who recently had a kid got his rent jacked up ‘cos his landlady “didn’t plan to rent apartment out to people with children”. To make matters worse the two places they really liked were owned by weirdos.

Landlord 1: U have a child, no problem. Just sign right here…wait hold on a minute, are u Ibo? Sorry I can’t rent to Ibos. I once had a tenant who was Ibo and he showed me hell. So what if ur husband is from Rivers State as I am? I am sorry, since u Ibo I can’t rent u my house.

Landlord 2: U have a child, no problem. Just sign right here…wait hold on a minute, are u Ibo? Good, I am Ibo myself. Where’s ur husband from, Rivers State? Sorry I can’t rent u my house. Before I bought this house I was discriminated against ‘cos I wasn’t from River State so made up my mind I won’t rent to anyone from this state.

All this happened in the space of a week. And y’all wonder why we have problems in the Niger Delta.

Lagos news: When I arrived in Lagos two Fridays ago traffic wasn’t bad as it was a public holiday. Mate dropped me off at home, picked up a car and drove to see my twin nephews at the hospital. They were asleep. This scene was to repeat itself every time I visited Kemi. I know the babies were less than a week old, but would it hurt to stay awake when they knew their soon-to-be fav uncle’s coming to visit? That’s it, ain’t no way I’m gonna permit them to be called Tunde1 and Tunde2.

As well, whenever I visited Seyi her son was either sleeping or eating. I know dude’s less than 2 weeks old, but he coulda been more active when he heard his soon-to-be fav uncle’s voice. That’s it, I am gonna buy him a Barbie doll on his birthday every year until he’s 5. That’d keep him confused for a while.

Rest of weekend in Lagos wasn’t so bad. On Friday got to see mate from the UK who’s around for his sister’s wedding. Dude’s returning in January for his wedding and when I informed Chief – dude asked if Chief would be present – he responded, “Good on him. Now u see that ur mates are leaving u behind…” Maybe I’d not tell that dude anymore stuff remotely related to weddings.

Later that day visited high school mate and his wife at theirs, and was nice to see them acting all mushy and stuff. I threw up a number of times due to their saccharine-fuelled antics, but it’s all good. Afterwards, met up for drinks with another mate.

Planned to get up early and go jogging on Saturday, but was crazy tired so slept in ‘til about 11am. Then drove to a cousin’s wedding, but first picked up Mama’s hot friend as she lives close to the wedding venue. I know I said I don’t date sisters’ friends but I can hang with them, right? Right? Aw, forget yous. Couldn’t spend long at the wedding ‘cos had another appointment on the Island, but stayed long enough for an aunt to enquire about my ‘date’. Explained who she was, but that didn’t stop her whispering to my uncle who called me aside to “talk about ur love life”. Man, it’s like friggin’ deja vu all over again. It’s probably my fault as this is the third ‘friend’ dude’s seen me with in the past year.

As expected with any trip to Lagos I gorged on cinematic movies. Shoot ‘Em Up was fun, lovely escapist stuff that’ll make me smile whenever I see a carrot. Knocked Up was cute and funny in some places, but longer than necessary. Some parts, like the Vegas scene, coulda been scrapped. Oh well, the movie made loadsa money while I’m still trying to get a show on TV, so what do I know?

On Sunday evening was taken out for a pre-birthday movie and dinner. The night was made even more perfect by receiving a gift that was exactly what I wanted. (Almost as if she read my mind.) Chief’s aforementioned statement on marriage did put a damper on things when I returned home. Was too tired to set him straight so went to bed. Fast forward a few days when I call Nike in the UK. “Hey. Dad tells me there might be an ‘introduction’ with Miss X’s family in December.” U what? I need to set that dude straight. U’d think that I’d at least be aware of my own introduction! That dude sure is a trip. This is the same guy who was moaning a few weeks back about not having his kids at home anymore, and how empty the house feels. Lol. The house sure felt empty when I visited…and all the moms were so chuffed to see me as if I’d been away forever. They almost smothered me with their hugs and food. If there’s such a thang as too much love, that’s what I’m getting anytime I visit Lagos from now on. Ayo had better not rescind his decision to return to the country; I’ll pay for his plan ticket if need be.

Warri news: Knew I was in for it when after one night here I wanted to go back to the ‘life’ of PH. Spent first weekend exercising and watching TV. Saw another edition of CNN’s God Warriors and it’s quite intriguing. What I don’t get about the station though is their new i report sections. Erm, isn’t it lazy journalism to allow folk film stuff and then y’all report on it? If I wanna watch home-made videos then I’ll go on YouTube. Duh. Funniest i report I saw was one of dude who was filming the recent Malibu fires while driving. Wouldn’t it have been ace if a cop had stopped him and whupped his arse for doing something that reckless, and he had filmed it? Okay, just realized I’m typing a blog about i reports. Arrgggghhhh. Told y’all I was bored, didn’t I? Over the weekend also watched Mrs. Kirchner campaigning in Argentina and thought to myself, “woah, what a fox.” Then there was some story about Mrs. Yar’Adua’s pet project and thought to myself, “woah, what a fox.” Yup, when there’s nada worth watching on TV my crush on older women comes to the fore again.

Anyways, like I intimated above I plan to enrol for golf lessons and we’ll see how that goes. Spoke to colleagues who live here and asked them what they do after work. Their answer? Nada. Most of them are married so their unanimous response to combating ennui is to make my crib as comfortable as possible. They then try to make me feel better by stressing the fact that there’s no traffic in Warri as compared to PH or Lagos. Duh, there’s no traffic ‘cos the town’s empty, there’s nada to do. But there’s no traffic, seems to be everyone’s signature when they try to convince one of Warri’s positive attributes. It’s almost like reading or listening to news of Nigeria from a foreign broadcasting service where the signature’s always ….Nigeria’s the sixth largest exporter of oil in the world yet over 75% of its population live in poverty.

So far hearing the locals speak takes me back to the six years I spent here in boarding school. It’s true that no one coins slangs in Pidgin English like Waffarians. While picking up luggage at the airport one of the luggage inspectors kept repeating “Bros, I bow for your profile” over and over again until I understood he was ‘hailing’ me and gave him a tip. Later in the week I overheard some folk talking about the scandal at the House of Representatives. “ What do u mean they cannot seat ‘cos she took the mase with her? Make dem go make another one jo. No be carpenter dey carpent (sic) am?”

Before I continue my Warri adventures pardon me to mount my soapbox again.

Politics news: Can’t for the life of me understand why the Speaker of the House of Representatives won’t step aside for her case to be heard. I have met stubborn folk, but she takes the biscuit. Doesn’t she know her family name (okay so it’s her husband’s name) is being dragged thru the gutter? Don’t she have family who’d advise her to do the right thang? For goodness sake, someone lost his life ‘cos of this debacle; has she no shame? This path she’s embarked upon defies all logic.

That’s it; it defies all logic! Remember Exodus in the Bible when Moses released plague after plague on Egypt and yet Pharaoh remained resolute? If I remember correctly the Bible explains that God hardened Pharaoh’s heart, and so when normal folk like moi woulda acquiesced to Moses’s request – I know if I were Pharaoh and Moses’d threatened to release roaches in my apartment I’da given him the Israelites quick time - Pharaoh stuck to his guns (erm, bow and arrows?) Maybe that’s the scenario with Speaker Etteh. Either that or she’s the most selfish woman since Scarlett O’Hara.

Another week, another political tribunal shocker. So far the results of gubernatorial elections in three states have been upturned, and more of the same is expected before the year runs out. Hope Maurice Iwu and Obasanjo are pleased with their handiwork. Free and fair elections my blistered left arse cheek.

In all of this it’s quite ironic that it’s the same folk whose vote was nicked who are gonna reap the benefits, albeit temporarily. Peep this: the governor of Kogi state whose election has been upturned by a tribunal recently effected a 15% increase in civil servants salaries ‘cos “when my workers are happy I am happy”. I see, but u didn’t deem it fit to make ur workers happy b4 ur election was exposed as dodgy, huh? Can’t wait to see what happens in Oyo state where the governor’s decided to go to war with the civil servants?

Now most governors are shaking in their nefarious boots and listing their accomplishments for all to hear. “Erm, erm, since I became governor of this state a few months ago I have received twelve released hostages…”

Warri news (continued): So where was I? Oh yeah, was so bored I asked to go on a job asap. So I get sent 2 hours from Warri to this middle-aged lady who wanted me to rub palm oil, yes palm friggin’ oil, all over my body while I danced. Afterwards I went to the hotel that was reserved for myself and the driver and suspected what was to come when the receptionist was busy eating garri and egusi instead of attending to us. I just wanna check into my room and wash this palm oil off me. As if that’s not bad enough this here receptionist is consuming a meal made with palm oil as well. What’s it with folk in this area and palm oil?!

Mrs. Receptionist continued her munching and paid us no mind, so the manager attended to us. Dude then had to gall to inform me the rooms reserved were, well, not exactly available. U what? Dude suggested the driver and I share a suite instead; and no, he wasn’t kidding. Stormed outta the hotel and drove back to Warri even though it was late and my armpit was sticky from palm oil. By the time we arrived at the guesthouse dinnertime was over. After a few words with the cook dude said he’d only offer us some starch and owu soup. Was starving so wasn’t in the mood to be picky. Food gets served and I discover both starch and owu are made with, u guessed it, palm oil. Arrggghhh. Come on, someone cut me some slack here. If I was famous I’d sworn I was being Punk’d. U mean I gotta cope with this for another year? Hey, let’s look on the bright side, at least there’s no traffic… Tot ziens and God bless.

Notes from a 40% graded ex-boyfriend

Hola peeps. Libere en el ultimo. How y’all been? Chomping at the bit ‘cos rounded up exams – need them to work exclusively in the club V.I.P room – on Wednesday and discovered younger sis Kemi gave birth to twin boys on Tuesday and even younger sis Seyi had a baby boy a week earlier. So many blessings to thank God for. Woulda been ace if their babies had stayed in ‘til October 15th, but it’s all good. Now that puts the number of grandchildren Chief has at 11. Woah, can u imagine what family get-togethers would be like in 10 years time when all siblings are married? If a kid has a party his cousins alone would fill the place up. Lol…and y’all wonder if I’d run outta stuff to blog about; not when I got a family this size I won’t.

So what did y’all think of t-shirt inscriptions? Still looking for a locally-based graphic designer as mine’s in Kenya and getting her to send over design ideas takes a heckuva long time. Globalization my blistered left arse cheek. I would be interested if y’all could recommend someone ‘cos with the rapidly changing state of Nigerian politics by the time I receive feedback on my ideas from Kenya the subject of the ridicule mighta petitioned a local court to prevent anyone with breath in their lungs from satirizing them. Yup, it’s that bad one’s not sure whether to laugh or cry anymore. Everyday we read about courts granting former state governors, who enjoyed immunity from prosecution while in office, legal orders to prevent the EFCC (Nigeria’s anti-corruption watchdog) from arresting them. Earlier this week the erstwhile governor of Delta State got an injunction halting the EFCC (the police and the Attorney General) from not only arresting him, but took this farce up another notch by including his deputy and current Delta state employees as well. I’m surprised he didn’t include the entire universe in his far-reaching, all-encompassing legal motion.

These guys are worse than scum, they are lower than fecal matter. What hubris! So u mean I can set up a kangaroo court as well and get ex parte motions to prevent the police from detaining me no matter how heinous my crime? Is there no check against this? C’mon, someone please explain this to me like I’m a 2-year old, I’m sure I’ve got some lawyers who read my blogs. No lawyers? Okay I’ll settle for anyone who’s read copious volumes of John Grisham legal thrillers or seen L.A. Law or Boston Legal. I know I must sound like a kid who just discovered Santa Claus isn’t real, but I badly need to believe in our justice system. What makes it even sadder is that while all this is going on Ehud Olmert is being questioned by the Israeli authorities over some property he bought at a less than fair discount and a few months back Moshe Katsav, the President of Israel, had to quit his post after being found guilty of sexual misconduct. But here in the largest black nation on God’s green earth we hand out chieftaincy titles to our venal leaders and name landmarks after them. Then when a legal maneuver keeps them outta jail churches have thanksgiving services on their behalf and imams pray to Allah to lengthen their lives. We cannot go on like this people a change has to come soon. I was reading Thomas Friedman’s New York Times column yesterday and dude called us the Q Generation; Q as in Quiet. Yes, we still have the can-do attitude of our parents but activism ain’t what it used to be. We are happier, more comfortable even, signing online appeals and creating Facebook groups to save the climate, or save Darfur, or whatever cause du jour. So if u sent me one of those emails or Facebook notifications about some appeal or the other now u know why I haven’t responded. Like Patrick McGoohan’s The Prisoner I don’t wanna be just a number, isn’t that why God in His wisdom made us all unique? I gotta make an impact b4 I leave this place. I want my children – u can tell the birth of my nephews has got me thinking of marriage again, huh? - to know their dad not only had the killer six-pack he also did his utmost to make the world better than he found it. And for that I don’t need to become President of Nigeria in order to ‘serve’ my people. That’s why I get pissed off when politicians campaigning for any sorta position give their reasons as purely altruistic. “I want to serve my people”, they say. Yet as soon as they get there they start lobbying to head “juicy” committees (in the case of our delegates in the House of Assembly) or turning the government treasury into their family piggy banks (in the case of our state governors or presidents).

And let’s not forget the noble citizenry. We have our own share of the blame. Must we do anything for money? Goodness me. Some of our parents have sold their principles for filthy lucre and continue to do so. While discussing with a colleague I regard as a mentor dude said half-jokingly, Poverty is so engraved in our minds if the devil came out and said he wanted to rule the country u’d probably find a fair amount of folk willing to vote for him. Their reasoning would be: “At least he has come out to tell us who he is. What of the smaller devils we’d voted in previously? As my people say, ‘If u go chop frog chop the one wey get egg.’ Where do I register as a member of Satan’s People Party (SPP) jo?”

Okay, just had a nice meal of grilled fish and fried plantain between the last paragraph and this so maybe I am not as angry….maybe. All I know is something’s gotta give. I gotta find a way to make sense of why us Nigerians keep brushing everything off, even when our rights are being trampled upon. I gotta make a change, I gotta find an answer….until then I am watching V for Vendetta every week for inspiration.

Aiight now that I have descended from the vast height of my soapbox lemme tell y’all what the past week has been like. After blog was published last week I read an article where I discovered that humorous-sounding names aren’t the birthright (geddit? geddit? Aw, forget yous) of the Ijaws. Turns out that Zimbabweans are equally as inventive. Some dude’s called Smile; another whose mother was tired of having kids after he was born – he was her 13th kid – was called Enough; and my fav is Never Trust A Woman, who was given that moniker by his ‘dad’…..well, dude returned from fighting a war to find his wife had given birth to a son he believed isn’t his. U gotta love us Africans.

Been staying at a hotel for over a week now. The club moved us in in order to study for the exam I intimated about earlier. The best thang about the hotel is the courteous staff, other than that it seems like a scene from Candid Camera or like someone’s deliberately having a laugh. These dudes don’t have ice cream! Not “sorry we’ve run outta ice cream”, just they don’t serve ice cream. U what? To make matters worse the hotel’s like Nigeria’s version of the Bates Motel, only this time our dear Norman wears a chef’s hat. I gotta eat to survive, but I know what’s gonna happen at the end of that meal. Do u know what that feels like? First breakfast I had here gave me the runs and went to the loo 5 times that day. It’s one of those meals u look at and think, “This could gimme the runs”, it just wasn’t presented properly. I have had that feeling before, but never have I had the doodle pangs erupt as quick. Stomach rumbled soon as I took first bite of the meal. Since then I have skipped breakfast, yet have had the runs everyday since. It’s been a week now and there’s no letting off. It’s not one of those ‘normal’ runs either. It’s those bad runs where u feel so pressed u gotta take off ALL ur clothes for fear of stray splatter; no simple pull down pants and underwear (if wearing any) to the ankles, no siree.

Yesterday, they served cup cakes and for the first time in my life I ate cake with a bitter aftertaste, I reckon it was made from kola nut. Serious. Complained to colleague not knowing he had his own problems. Dude was having chicken for dinner and couldn’t for the life of him figure out why the skin was bright, shocking pink. Maybe it was one of those chickens I saw tied to top of a van in PH last week. Ha huh ha huh ha huh.

Apparently the hotel has a gym though haven’t checked it out yet. I have been to the pool area though, and the swimming pool is…what’s the best way I can describe this…let’s just say it’d be called a swimming puddle instead. It’s so teeny I swear if u swimming and pee in that pool the colour would change and all would know what u just did. Oh yeah, their laundry service is quite good. Never seen my shirts ironed and starched so much it’s like they got a discount from their starch supplier. Also gotta mention my bathroom. Talk about all that glitters being gold poo. Do u know I gotta shower in 5 minutes or less ‘cos that’s how long the hot water lasts for? My bathroom sink is plugged. Called the plumbers for days on end and no one showed up. When I eventually complained to management some dude arrived and drained the sink. Next day the stuff’s plugged again. Arrrggghhh.

I do like the view from my room though. I am on the 4th floor so when I get up in the wee hours of the morning to practise my new choreographed routines I get to see how peaceful PH is at night when the roads are free of traffic. Also get to channel my inner R. Kelly (from that scene in Half On A Baby video) from my view of the city. Lol…man, nobody can write a romantic song quite like our man Robert. So love, wanna go half on a baby? I’ll do my half by providing the seed, and u can do ur half by throwing up in the mornings and carrying the seed for 9ish months. U game?

Can’t tell y’all much else about goings-on in PH as been in the hotel, but did find out the 9pm curfew’s turning out to be a goldmine for our law enforcement officers. U see okadas are not permitted to operate after 6pm in PH but with this curfew u can get okadas as late as u want. My investigations revealed…okay it was a PH indigene that informed me…that policemen and soldiers in PH now bootleg as okada drivers during curfew hours. It’ll cost u about 5 times the normal fare but they’ll take u wherever u wanna go. Guy in the hotel said he stopped one about 11pm on Monday and the ff ensued.

Policeman cum okada rider: YES, WHAT ARE U DOING OUT AT THIS TIME OF THE NIGHT, DON’T U KNOW THERE’S A CURFEW IN TOWN?
Mate: I do, but I also know what u are doing out. How much to take me to Waterlines?
Policeman cum okada rider: Give me 400 Naira.
Mate: Haba oga. Na 70 Naira e dey cost normally.
Policeman cum okada rider: Okay, gimme 300.

Other thang I found out about PH curfew is it now gives folks an excuse to stay over. Happened to a mate when someone chose to visit him at 6pm. Then they pretended they were so engrossed in a movie…..“and oops, is it past 9pm already? Guess I’ll have to stay over. Good thang I always carry a spare toothbrush in my bag.” Good ol’ PH.

Anyways, can’t wait to leave for Lagos tomorrow morning. It’s just gonna be for the weekend again, but this time I get to see the new additions to my family. Oh yeah, b4 I go I got a confession to make: I am gay. Yup, hadn’t realized in all my almost thirty-one years on earth until a week ago. U see a mate bumped into an acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a while and said acquaintance told mate she’s given me all the ‘signals’ (whatever does that man?) yet I have done nada. As a case in point she brought up the time she asked for a dance at my party last year and I made up some excuse. Yup, that incident – haven’t seen her since then – musta prompted her to attest I bat for the other team. So there u have it folks. Psst, don’t tell anyone our li’l secret, okay? Goodness knows it’ll break my mom’s heart if she knew her only son isn’t interested in women. Lol.

Seriously, don’t get where some women get off. Thought it was just us guys that did the whole if person of the opposite sex doesn’t fancy me then they are obviously gay thang…..and all guys I know that thot that way grew outta that in their late teens! Every time I think I got the female species pegged, and cannot be surprised by whatever antics they come up with, some chick appears outta thin air with theories gleaned from reading too many COSMOs. Man, it’s almost as if try as much as we like us guys can’t just win. Oh well. I am off to listen to Barbra Streisand’s greatest hits. Tot ziens and God bless.

PS
Seen what’s happened to Gordon Brown in the past week? Maybe that’ll teach politicians to follow their gut and stop relying on spin doctors all the time.

T-shirt samples now available...and letter I sent to the Copyright Commission is attached as well

First idea I had. Okay maybe the word "smuggle" needs to be removed. Any suggestions?

I love this one..

This is my favorite. I told y'all I ain't gonna marry an ugly chick

I think there's a niche market for this: Pregnant ladies!


To Whom It May Concern:

Potential impact of copyrighted material on Nigeria

It was brought to my attention that some sort of note was required to facilitate the copyrighting of my t-shirt inscriptions, so this is it. Firstly, let me state the PC version people want to hear: The t-shirts were wholly manufactured and printed in Nigeria, thus contributing my share to make Nigeria one of the world’s largest economies by 2020. Are we good? Cool, now let me explain the reason I embarked on this venture.

The t-shirt inscription ideas came about in 2005 after an incumbent state governor was arrested in a foreign country on charges of money laundering. What was one to think? I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Worse, when the dude ‘found his way back’ to the country he was celebrated as a hero in his state. This was supposed to be what democracy brought us?! No shame at the actions of an alleged embezzler? I was mad at the country, mad at our rulers - okay maybe being robbed in traffic did not go some way to alleviating my sombre outlook on the state of Nigeria – but I was beyond angry.

I discussed my frustrations with a bunch of people and they just laughed and uttered the mandatory “This is the way things are in Nigeria, what else do u expect” line. It was then I decided I needed an outlet to pour out my frustrations, hence t-shirt inscriptions. I mean if we as a people are wont to laugh in the face of adversity then what better way than on a tight-fitting canvas. This way when people admire the t-shirts - and my biceps – they also go away with a message.

Someone once said, Make the people laugh and once their mouths are open slip in the truth. This is what I hope to accomplish with my brand of inscriptions. It is about time we had an active debate on Nigeria’s ills, don’t you think?

Yours faithfully,

Tunde