Once bitten, twice a tetanus injection
Hola peeps. Happy New Month as loadsa Nigerians have wished me.
Damn, I hate that phrase. When did that become a thang?
Just came in from the loo, for the second time this evening. Fear it musta been the goat meat I had for lunch. Smelt a bit rank while packing it last night but didn’t wanna waste it and to be honest it didn’t taste weird after heating it in microwave at maximum setting for a total of 6 minutes – 3 mins, shake bowl vigorously, then heat for another 3 mins. Now I am paying for it. Hope it clears my system tonight as plan to do a 10km run before work tomorrow morning.
It’s rumoured Juba airport’s set to resume international flights at end of the month. Won’t risk parading shirtless in Juba airport ‘cos these guys don’t joke. I recall some years back when a female pal returning to Uganda was prevented from boarding ‘cos she wore short shorts. The screener instructed her to “go wear something more decent”. Had to plead with him before he acquiesced. Either way, it won’t matter as long as countries in the region remain shut or insist on 14-day quarantine for visitors. I hear Spain won’t require visitors to quarantine from July 1st so if Juba airport’s opened then I’ll be heading to Europe for some well-deserved R&R. Hopefully things settle down by August so I can go see daughter in the UK. Wonder if she’ll still have any inheritance by then.
Tot ziens and God bless.
Just came in from the loo, for the second time this evening. Fear it musta been the goat meat I had for lunch. Smelt a bit rank while packing it last night but didn’t wanna waste it and to be honest it didn’t taste weird after heating it in microwave at maximum setting for a total of 6 minutes – 3 mins, shake bowl vigorously, then heat for another 3 mins. Now I am paying for it. Hope it clears my system tonight as plan to do a 10km run before work tomorrow morning.
How y’all been? Can’t wait for Covid to end, man, as it’s
cramped every aspect of my life. My garri stash is almost done and snack reservoir
has emptied so have been forced to purchase biscuits from nearby grocery store.
Although it’s the largest supermarket in Juba their biscuit choices leave a lot
to be desired; their faux Bourbon biscuit leaves a chalky aftertaste. The other
day, I had to get Kelloggs Cornflakes through someone who knew someone who knew
a guy who got it off the back of a truck pre-Covid ‘cos all major supermarkets
had only Weetabix. This demonstrates supply chain of consumer goods into Juba is
probably run by a monopoly. Now one would think this realization would be
catalyst enough to come up with a business idea to provide competition, but
only idea that’s been foremost on my mind lately is an e-notary public app, something
akin to stamps.com. Why? ‘Cos lately, weekly calls with my daughter have been strenuous to say the least.
Dunno if it’s being stuck at home for months on end or what, but she’s been particularly curt these past weeks; giving me a 5-minute time limit for our weekly conversations and it hasn’t helped that she no longer desires to do our Word Of The Week exercises. You see, I updated my will once Covid-19 started sweeping through the world. Not that I was scared or anything but wanted to be prepared just in case. Well, after every dour Facetime session I am tempted to reduce daughter’s part of my inheritance by 5%. Hence, the desire for a notary public app so I get to readily adjust will as I deem fit and get it notarized pronto. Y’all think I am kidding, huh? Just you wait ‘til I launch an IPO after the app blows up.
Man, I miss flying!!! Y’all must be tired of hearing this by now but I really do. Never knew how monotonous my life in Juba was until I couldn’t leave the country. It’s mostly wake up, morning run or exercise, work, gym, sleep. Rinse and repeat. Might have to introduce myself to neighbours as this routine is making me pull my goatee out. Travel during this time woulda been perfect too as woulda been able to join one of the anti-racism protests around the world in solidarity with what’s happening in the US. This time really could be different as it appears peeps have had enough. The videos of police crackdowns on protesters have been beyond shocking. To think they could do this when they are being recorded. Prior to the protests, the Amy Cooper episode in Central Park left a big hole. For days I couldn’t get over this weight of sadness when thinking of the harm that coulda happened to the birdwatcher Chris Cooper if the police had shown up and there was no video supporting his claim. I don’t get how in 2020 folk still detest each other primarily cos of their skin tone. Shocking.
Now folk are taking their lives in their hands to protest despite Covid. That’s the spirit. Here in South Sudan, the Covid cases have been going up exponentially but no one seems to give much of a hoot. Well, except Chief. Since dude heard that a third of the ruling cabinet tested positive for Covid-19 he enquiries weekly as to my health and eating habits, ‘cos I used to be diabetic and it’s been reported Type 2 diabetes is one of the pre-existing conditions that pose a higher risk of Covid. Dude appears to think I am big shot in South Sudan ‘cos he implied I’d be careful since I “hobnob with the top people”. Ha ha. It ain’t like I don’t care about Covid but what’s one supposed to do? I have a new chef Vincent who comes to apartment once a week. Do I know where he’s been before arriving at apartment? Same with cleaning lady Harriet who shows up every weekday. What about when I go running in the streets? What about my driver? What about kickboxing class? No way to avoid interacting with folk so I don’t change my schedule. I only wear a mask – designed like Bane's - when I am about to enter office as it’s one of the stipulations of the landlord. Otherwise, I don’t bother.
Met some friends for lunch last week and they are convinced they had Covid-19. They both had aching joints, raging fevers at night, days with anosmia and ageusia, breathing problems. Unfortunately, heard of a Nigerian lady here that died two weekends ago. Complained of joint pains but was treated for arthritis. A couple of days later she developed breathing problems, but no hospital would take her in ‘cos they suspected she had Covid and after 4 hours of driving around she gave up the ghost. Guess Chief’s right to be worried after all.
Like I mentioned, I haven’t stopped regular activities and proud to announce I completed first marathon two Sundays ago. It was a solo 42.1km run that I completed in 4hrs 9 mins and 5 secs. I took a somewhat different route than I normally run so I wouldn’t be able to keep track of how much distance I covered. By the time I glanced at watch and realized I had done 41km I was so chuffed I tried to sprint but knees wouldn’t cooperate so I continued my waddle and kept glancing at watch until it hit 42.1km. As soon as I got to that mark it appeared as if I couldn’t move anymore, even walking proved difficult. I took a boda to apartment complex and it took all I could muster to walk up the stairs. Drank ijebu garri, then reached into fridge and drank all I could find; we talking soda, water, even goat meat stew. Rested for about 45mins, showered and went for kickboxing class. Must tell you I didn’t believe it would work, but placed anti-chafing cream on inner thighs, ankles, nipples and under armpits before marathon and when I was done and about to shower I noticed bottom of scrotum hurt. It then dawned on me I hadn’t placed anti-chafing cream there before run, so maybe it’s not sophism after all. Ran with compression socks as well. Need to figure out a way to check if they had any effect too.
Dunno if it’s being stuck at home for months on end or what, but she’s been particularly curt these past weeks; giving me a 5-minute time limit for our weekly conversations and it hasn’t helped that she no longer desires to do our Word Of The Week exercises. You see, I updated my will once Covid-19 started sweeping through the world. Not that I was scared or anything but wanted to be prepared just in case. Well, after every dour Facetime session I am tempted to reduce daughter’s part of my inheritance by 5%. Hence, the desire for a notary public app so I get to readily adjust will as I deem fit and get it notarized pronto. Y’all think I am kidding, huh? Just you wait ‘til I launch an IPO after the app blows up.
Man, I miss flying!!! Y’all must be tired of hearing this by now but I really do. Never knew how monotonous my life in Juba was until I couldn’t leave the country. It’s mostly wake up, morning run or exercise, work, gym, sleep. Rinse and repeat. Might have to introduce myself to neighbours as this routine is making me pull my goatee out. Travel during this time woulda been perfect too as woulda been able to join one of the anti-racism protests around the world in solidarity with what’s happening in the US. This time really could be different as it appears peeps have had enough. The videos of police crackdowns on protesters have been beyond shocking. To think they could do this when they are being recorded. Prior to the protests, the Amy Cooper episode in Central Park left a big hole. For days I couldn’t get over this weight of sadness when thinking of the harm that coulda happened to the birdwatcher Chris Cooper if the police had shown up and there was no video supporting his claim. I don’t get how in 2020 folk still detest each other primarily cos of their skin tone. Shocking.
Now folk are taking their lives in their hands to protest despite Covid. That’s the spirit. Here in South Sudan, the Covid cases have been going up exponentially but no one seems to give much of a hoot. Well, except Chief. Since dude heard that a third of the ruling cabinet tested positive for Covid-19 he enquiries weekly as to my health and eating habits, ‘cos I used to be diabetic and it’s been reported Type 2 diabetes is one of the pre-existing conditions that pose a higher risk of Covid. Dude appears to think I am big shot in South Sudan ‘cos he implied I’d be careful since I “hobnob with the top people”. Ha ha. It ain’t like I don’t care about Covid but what’s one supposed to do? I have a new chef Vincent who comes to apartment once a week. Do I know where he’s been before arriving at apartment? Same with cleaning lady Harriet who shows up every weekday. What about when I go running in the streets? What about my driver? What about kickboxing class? No way to avoid interacting with folk so I don’t change my schedule. I only wear a mask – designed like Bane's - when I am about to enter office as it’s one of the stipulations of the landlord. Otherwise, I don’t bother.
Met some friends for lunch last week and they are convinced they had Covid-19. They both had aching joints, raging fevers at night, days with anosmia and ageusia, breathing problems. Unfortunately, heard of a Nigerian lady here that died two weekends ago. Complained of joint pains but was treated for arthritis. A couple of days later she developed breathing problems, but no hospital would take her in ‘cos they suspected she had Covid and after 4 hours of driving around she gave up the ghost. Guess Chief’s right to be worried after all.
Like I mentioned, I haven’t stopped regular activities and proud to announce I completed first marathon two Sundays ago. It was a solo 42.1km run that I completed in 4hrs 9 mins and 5 secs. I took a somewhat different route than I normally run so I wouldn’t be able to keep track of how much distance I covered. By the time I glanced at watch and realized I had done 41km I was so chuffed I tried to sprint but knees wouldn’t cooperate so I continued my waddle and kept glancing at watch until it hit 42.1km. As soon as I got to that mark it appeared as if I couldn’t move anymore, even walking proved difficult. I took a boda to apartment complex and it took all I could muster to walk up the stairs. Drank ijebu garri, then reached into fridge and drank all I could find; we talking soda, water, even goat meat stew. Rested for about 45mins, showered and went for kickboxing class. Must tell you I didn’t believe it would work, but placed anti-chafing cream on inner thighs, ankles, nipples and under armpits before marathon and when I was done and about to shower I noticed bottom of scrotum hurt. It then dawned on me I hadn’t placed anti-chafing cream there before run, so maybe it’s not sophism after all. Ran with compression socks as well. Need to figure out a way to check if they had any effect too.
During kickboxing class I couldn’t lift feet, so did a listless
version of hitting the punching bag as had little or no energy. Had more than
enough energy to crack up though after some dude showed up enquiring about a
class that could teach him to “do 180 degree splits like van Damme”. Wait,
that’s only reason you wanna take kickboxing classes for? Wow. Drove home
after class, showered and noticed ball sack chafe again while toweling off.
Used straws to guzzle a Sprite and a malt drink - found it at same spot where
they house stuff that fall off trucks – at same time. Watched season 5 of
Better Call Saul and worked from home the following day as couldn’t be bothered
to leave bedroom. For the entire week after the marathon I’d wake up every
morning at 6am to turn alarm off and be so tired I’d return to bed for at least
another hour before leaving for the office. During these 1-hr morning naps I’d
have the craziest dreams. The other day, I dreamt I was in Nigeria wearing
knee-length denim shorts while skate-boarding to the filming of a soap opera.
At the studio I bumped into folk I hadn’t seen for ages like my girlfriend from
2005/6, best-man at my wedding who was wearing a sparkly jacket, mate from secondary
school who’s now outta the closet wore a dress for some reason, and some
others I can’t remember now.
Contrast that with my first attempt at a marathon on May 9th. Could only manage 34.8km that day and did it in 3hrs 25mins and 54secs. Prior to the run, I had envisioned myself sprinting at the end and hitting chest, a la Kipchoge after his record-breaking sub-2hr marathon, and being able to go for kickboxing class afterwards. Had planned to do usual 10km loop 4.21 times, but after 1st loop I decided to try out a different route and was buzzing even after 21km. Then, I went along a route that had loads peaks and troughs with no shade, so when the sun came out it was brutal. Had wanted to stop along the way multiple times but kept willing self to go on. Gave up when I couldn’t take the heat anymore. Didn’t help that the thought of ijebu garri in ice cold water, that I usually use to motivate self during last km of runs to finish strong, was foremost on mind after 21km. I pushed it aside and kept prodding on with 1km lap time steadily increasing. I’d look at watch and tell myself, “okay at least you are maintaining under 5.5mins per km”, then it became, “let’s not go to 6km per km”, then it was, “we mustn’t reach 7km per km”. The mental part was the hardest ‘cos I got over bum big toe on left foot by km 3, then aching left knee became dominant pain and think I got over that by km 15. Ache that stayed the longest was lower back, then it became chest and switched to lower back again. Got distracted at km 12 by colleague from the Ministry of Petroleum riding a bike, then at km 16 it was a friend from the Nigerian embassy. I welcomed those “distractions” as they gave me stuff to think about. Unfortunately, didn’t bump into more people I knew and the mental part was hardest of all. Just to fill head for 3.5hrs I went through all the gospel songs I knew, then all the Bible passages I could remember, prayed for every member of family, then extended family, then for my current employers and everybody I could remember in every company I had worked in, and then blank. It was all so draining.
By the time I stopped running I was ca 1.5km from my crib so chose to walk back, taking stops along the way to flex knees (‘cos both knees were shot) and to consider what had hurt me in life to make me consider running such distances. Stumbled into apartment, turned on the aircon and crouched into a fetal position on couch while aircon blew over me. Got up after 5 mins and struggled to get dry ice pack on knees. Opened a bottle of Vitamalt Ginger and went back to fetal position. About 15 mins in I took off clothes, had a shower and was about to dip feet in bowl of Epsom salt when the security guard informed me a neighbour needed me to move car. Tossed car key to security to get neighbour to move car himself, but he told me the dude’s still learning to drive. And y’all still try to convince me I am not starring in the black version of The Truman Show. Waddled downstairs with extreme difficulty and car wouldn’t start despite several tries. Ahem. Eventually got in neighbour’s car and maneuvered his car out from front of mine while I contacted the mechanic. Called Coach and told him I won’t make it as car’s not starting. Even if car was working and pulled by chariots no way I’da made it to kickboxing class. Returned to apartment and dipped feet in Epsom salt bath while I drank garri. As it was a special occasion – longest solo run ever – I added some powdered milk to garri as reward. After a few hours, I went to Aminarrgghh for a massage and she dealt with my hurting parts but not as bad as The Darfurian.
Surprisingly, during the 42.1km run my mind wasn’t trammeled by thoughts of what’s next, maybe ‘cos I had gone through that on 1st marathon attempt. Coincidentally, had been listening to Jodeci on repeat in car few weeks before run so kept reciting their songs, in between gospel songs, and imagining self bringing back black baggy leather pants, black cut-off denims, black boots and a black White Sox hat. Yup, it’s the gospel according to Jodeci. Now that I think of it, maybe that’s what I should do post-Covid. Yeah. Heck yeah! ‘Cos abs are back in tip-top shape, I plan to walk around airports shirtless like K-Ci Hailey. Not sure anyone would arrest me ‘cos in a post-Covid world everyone would probably just be happy to be alive and concern themselves primarily with:
what to do with leftover cloth facemasks;
how to fit travel blankets, pillows and bedsheets into carry-on bags for flights;
how to source for ventilators since hip-hop artistes would regard them as de rigueur bling for their socially distant music videos;
what to wear for Halloween as everyone is tired of wearing masks;
whether to get a pied-a-terre since folks are scared to stay in hotels or Airbnbs;
if the “we already have the experience” platform of the presidential ticket of Jim Carrey and Antonio Banderas would sway US voters in 4 years’ time. Don’t worry, you’ll get this joke in a few weeks.
Contrast that with my first attempt at a marathon on May 9th. Could only manage 34.8km that day and did it in 3hrs 25mins and 54secs. Prior to the run, I had envisioned myself sprinting at the end and hitting chest, a la Kipchoge after his record-breaking sub-2hr marathon, and being able to go for kickboxing class afterwards. Had planned to do usual 10km loop 4.21 times, but after 1st loop I decided to try out a different route and was buzzing even after 21km. Then, I went along a route that had loads peaks and troughs with no shade, so when the sun came out it was brutal. Had wanted to stop along the way multiple times but kept willing self to go on. Gave up when I couldn’t take the heat anymore. Didn’t help that the thought of ijebu garri in ice cold water, that I usually use to motivate self during last km of runs to finish strong, was foremost on mind after 21km. I pushed it aside and kept prodding on with 1km lap time steadily increasing. I’d look at watch and tell myself, “okay at least you are maintaining under 5.5mins per km”, then it became, “let’s not go to 6km per km”, then it was, “we mustn’t reach 7km per km”. The mental part was the hardest ‘cos I got over bum big toe on left foot by km 3, then aching left knee became dominant pain and think I got over that by km 15. Ache that stayed the longest was lower back, then it became chest and switched to lower back again. Got distracted at km 12 by colleague from the Ministry of Petroleum riding a bike, then at km 16 it was a friend from the Nigerian embassy. I welcomed those “distractions” as they gave me stuff to think about. Unfortunately, didn’t bump into more people I knew and the mental part was hardest of all. Just to fill head for 3.5hrs I went through all the gospel songs I knew, then all the Bible passages I could remember, prayed for every member of family, then extended family, then for my current employers and everybody I could remember in every company I had worked in, and then blank. It was all so draining.
By the time I stopped running I was ca 1.5km from my crib so chose to walk back, taking stops along the way to flex knees (‘cos both knees were shot) and to consider what had hurt me in life to make me consider running such distances. Stumbled into apartment, turned on the aircon and crouched into a fetal position on couch while aircon blew over me. Got up after 5 mins and struggled to get dry ice pack on knees. Opened a bottle of Vitamalt Ginger and went back to fetal position. About 15 mins in I took off clothes, had a shower and was about to dip feet in bowl of Epsom salt when the security guard informed me a neighbour needed me to move car. Tossed car key to security to get neighbour to move car himself, but he told me the dude’s still learning to drive. And y’all still try to convince me I am not starring in the black version of The Truman Show. Waddled downstairs with extreme difficulty and car wouldn’t start despite several tries. Ahem. Eventually got in neighbour’s car and maneuvered his car out from front of mine while I contacted the mechanic. Called Coach and told him I won’t make it as car’s not starting. Even if car was working and pulled by chariots no way I’da made it to kickboxing class. Returned to apartment and dipped feet in Epsom salt bath while I drank garri. As it was a special occasion – longest solo run ever – I added some powdered milk to garri as reward. After a few hours, I went to Aminarrgghh for a massage and she dealt with my hurting parts but not as bad as The Darfurian.
Surprisingly, during the 42.1km run my mind wasn’t trammeled by thoughts of what’s next, maybe ‘cos I had gone through that on 1st marathon attempt. Coincidentally, had been listening to Jodeci on repeat in car few weeks before run so kept reciting their songs, in between gospel songs, and imagining self bringing back black baggy leather pants, black cut-off denims, black boots and a black White Sox hat. Yup, it’s the gospel according to Jodeci. Now that I think of it, maybe that’s what I should do post-Covid. Yeah. Heck yeah! ‘Cos abs are back in tip-top shape, I plan to walk around airports shirtless like K-Ci Hailey. Not sure anyone would arrest me ‘cos in a post-Covid world everyone would probably just be happy to be alive and concern themselves primarily with:
what to do with leftover cloth facemasks;
how to fit travel blankets, pillows and bedsheets into carry-on bags for flights;
how to source for ventilators since hip-hop artistes would regard them as de rigueur bling for their socially distant music videos;
what to wear for Halloween as everyone is tired of wearing masks;
whether to get a pied-a-terre since folks are scared to stay in hotels or Airbnbs;
if the “we already have the experience” platform of the presidential ticket of Jim Carrey and Antonio Banderas would sway US voters in 4 years’ time. Don’t worry, you’ll get this joke in a few weeks.
It’s rumoured Juba airport’s set to resume international flights at end of the month. Won’t risk parading shirtless in Juba airport ‘cos these guys don’t joke. I recall some years back when a female pal returning to Uganda was prevented from boarding ‘cos she wore short shorts. The screener instructed her to “go wear something more decent”. Had to plead with him before he acquiesced. Either way, it won’t matter as long as countries in the region remain shut or insist on 14-day quarantine for visitors. I hear Spain won’t require visitors to quarantine from July 1st so if Juba airport’s opened then I’ll be heading to Europe for some well-deserved R&R. Hopefully things settle down by August so I can go see daughter in the UK. Wonder if she’ll still have any inheritance by then.
Tot ziens and God bless.
