Procrastination, predestination, articulation, a railway station
Hola peeps. ¿Usted me ha faltado? Sorry for the silence. After I left/escaped from the R.I.G. I went to Lagos for a bit and spent most of the time sleeping like a foolish virgin, albeit in spurts. I’d wake up by 7am raring to go, by 1pm I was searching for a place to snooze. Good thang about waking up early is I go to go jogging and now addicted to running again. Think six-pack’s coming back as well. Yep, really enjoyed time I stayed awake ‘cos I got to meet up with family and friends…..and man, do I have good-looking female friends.
Sorry to go off on a tangent like that but c’mon u gotta understand that I was on the R.I.G. for 2 whole weeks without the sight of a woman. To be honest I think I visited my previous employer while in Lagos ‘cos of the cute chicks there. Was so nice to see them again and man, they smelled good. Lol…okay, okay I’ll stop…..nah maybe I shouldn’t. So here’s what happened to me after I left the R.I.G.
Monday: As soon as I got on the chopper I almost shed a tear…..for all the good food I was gonna miss. Sob….the calamari….sob….the lasagne……sob……the chocolate cake…sob…the carrot cake….sob….the cheesecake….sob…the cheesecake……sob, sob…oh, the cheesecake.
Got off the chopper and stopped by the office to say hello to folk there. Hadn’t shaved in 3 weeks and had my fav brown Kangol hat on, but was crazy shocked that it took most peeps a while to recognize me. Comments ranged from, “Oh man, u look so different. I thot u were one of the Niger Delta community boys come over to demand for money” and “What happened to ur suits and blazers? See, I KNEW the R.I.G. would change u!” to “Oh, go shave. U look like Osama bin Hiding a razor” and “Captain Cave mmmmmaaaaannnnnnnn!!!!!!!”. Seems everyone’s a comedian nowadays. Anyways, I went home, shaved, killed a few roaches –(yes, they back en masse. It’s almost as if they had missed me) and packed for my trip to Lagos the next day.
Tuesday: Lagos finally. Packed my stuff and headed to the airport. U know a few blog entries ago when I said I’d boycott Virgin Nigeria (VN) ‘cos of their crap service? Well, got to the airport and only “reasonable” flight I’d get on was the VN flight that was set to depart in 4 hours. “Reasonable”? Yup, the alternative at that time was one of those crap airlines that u wouldn’t get on if they were giving out free seats. Was about to purchase the VN ticket when I saw some drop-dead gorgeous chick that took my breath away. Come to think about it maybe she wasn’t all that, but 2 weeks on the R.I.G. does things to one. 2 friggin’ weeks man, y’all gotta cut me some slack. I notice she walks up to the VN counter, realizes she’s got a 4 hour wait, then settles for the crap airline that’s departing in 5 minutes….or so they said. She purchased her flight ticket and I think to myself, “Man, that chick’s fine as heck. Only way to talk to her would be on that crap airline where their safety record’s so bad even suicide bombers are scared to fly with them. Oh well, u can’t have it all. To the Crap Mobile, Robin.”
Bought a one-way ticket to Lagos and discovered the Crap Mobile folk actually had the audacity to charge more than VN. Hey, at least I’ll get to talk to Isha’s possible replacement. Got on the plane and wasn’t assigned a seat beside Miss Right. “No worries, I’ll see her in Lagos. I better spend time on flight coming up with a witty way to approach her”, I thought to myself. As if. Nodded off as soon as I strapped on the seat belt. In my dream I saw myself jumping on the seats in the airplane and screaming at the top of my voice, “I AM FRIGGIN’ TIRED OF SEEING THESE FRIGGIN’ SNAKES ON THE FRIGGIN’ PLANE.” Man, I kill myself.
Disembarked from the plane and began mapping out my strategy. Okay, what line do I open with? “So do u fly on crap airlines often?” Nah, that won’t work. Okay I’ll meet her outside and……oh no, she actually checked her bags in. Man. That means I’m gonna have to loiter around the baggage claim area and pretend to be waiting for a suitcase. Oh well, seems like I’m gonna use the always reliable ‘Knight in shining Armani suit (with a Kangol hat) helping lady in distress with her luggage’ approach. I sure hope her luggage’s heavy so my biceps will bulge when I lift it. Good thang I wore this t-shirt that’s 2 sizes too small. Even though I can barely breathe it helps to accentuate my biceps and hide my slowly diminishing six-pack. Man, but u gotta admit food on the R.I.G. was amazing. If I do take up their offer to teach there I’ll make sure I ask them to throw in an exercise bike or something so I can regain my mystical six-pack. Ooops, there I go rambling again. So where’s that future girlfriend of mine? Damn, while deep in thought she musta disappeared….and who in the world would call my phone when I’m looking for Miss Right?! Ooops, totally forgot I had asked a mate to pick me up from the airport and now she’s ranting like mad for wasting her time. Bummer. So folks, if y’all know any drop dead gorgeous chick who took the 1530 Crap Mobile from PH to Lagos tell her I’m willing to commit. Serious.
On ride home kept kicking myself for not acting fast enough. I mean the worst she coulda done for approaching her is smack me across the face. And then, I probably wouldn’t wash my face for days. U see most guys gotta pump up their egos or think of ingenious ways to approach a chick, but to a select few it comes easy. I’d say I’ve one foot in the former category and the other in the latter (and believe me it took a lotta cringe-inducing lines to get there), but sometimes I end up flummoxed. Weird thang about me is I’m cool in the first approach, but later, especially on the phone, I find that if I get on well with the chick I mumble words and start to stutter. Lol…ridiculous, huh? Yeah, well that’s better than a mate (who’s now married) we used to diss that it was obvious to tell when he liked a chick ‘cos for no damn reason catarrh would suddenly start dripping down his left nostril. Honest.
Anyways, thoughts went back to another mate who was so slick he would approach a chick anytime, anywhere and would take knocks in his stride. Almost as if he was honing his skills for a spot in the Pickup-line Olympics. Problem’s dude would approach any chick. Fine, ugly, illiterate, literate, halitosis-suffering; he didn’t seem to mind. He made passes at his mate’s girlfriends, his girlfriend’s friends, his sister’s friends, I’m talking every friggin’ chick. We teased him that the only chick we’d trust him with was his sister, and only when he wasn’t inebriated.
U see approaching women was actually the reason I stopped drinking. Peep this: Had a party at my crib and was checking out some chick all nite. It wasn’t ‘til I had had a few in me that my Dutch courage kicked in and I approached her. Anyways, to cut a long story short I had the worst hangover ever and decided there and then that I’d have to choose b/w drink and flirting with chicks. It took about 2-3 months but chicks eventually won out. Fast forward to a few years when I decided to get plastered with friends ‘cos I just wrapped up my final exams. While drunk called up some chick and arranged a date. Turned out to be one of the worst dates in my life so that reinforced my decision to quit drinking and I haven’t touched a drop since. Guess if u really put ur mind to it u can accomplish anything. Now if I can just find a way to stop picking my nostrils so bad it appears like I’m mining for gold.
Oh yeah, back to my Lagos trip. Got home from the airport and spent most of the day lounging and calling peeps to inform them I’d arrived in town.
Wednesday: Woke up at 7am and couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I couldn’t get back to sleep. Guess it’s gonna take a while for my body clock to get off R.I.G. life. Anyways, said my prayers and went jogging. Man, was so good to feel the warm breeze against the flowing locks in my, er, armpit. Hadn’t been out running in ages and missed it like crazy. I’d feel the buzz once more, the heart pounding, the thighs aching; man, this is the life. After I was done re-enacting a scene from Chariots Of Fire I jumped in the shower and felt the water cascade…lol….sorry, just had to go there once more. Anyways, after the shower I drove to the Island ‘cos dad’s mate had asked that I see him regarding some job opportunities. Made a brief stop to conversate with chick
making the t-shirts for me. Oh, y’all thot I’d forgotten about that? As if. I’ll brief y’all further the closer I get to marketing the spring collection of Cojones! Yup, that’s the tentative name of my
So get to my dad’s mate’s office and we talk shop for a while. As I’m about to leave he brings up the relationship topic outta left field. Peeps, peeps, peeps. How many times I call una name? Please, please explain to me why folk always insist on hooking me up. Do I have a Hook Me Up sign emblazoned on my cute dome?
Anyways, dude goes on about the merits of getting married in time and asked if I was seeing anyone.
Tunde: “Yeah, there’s this chick Isha based in the States and we plan to see each other when next I’m off and …….”
Dad’s mate: “States, ke? That’s too far, there’s Itsekiri girl I have for u. I bank with her and she’s quite responsible. U mind an Itsekiri girl?”
Tunde: “Well, er, sir, my name’s not Dare and…..”
Dad’s mate: “Whatever that means. Here’s her number. Give her a call and let me know how it goes.”
Tunde: “But, er, sir...“
Dad’s mate: “Call her!“
So I’m about to call when my roach sense starts tingling. I suddenly recall my sis works for same bank so I call her to enquire about this Itsekiri girl. Now normally I wouldn’t trust opinion of my sisters – on meeting my girlfriend a few years back BOTH my sisters in the UK exclaimed, “Man, she’s gorgeous. What’s she doing with ur sorry arse?!” Talk about a loving family, huh? – but this sister has gorgeous friends I can compare this chick with. So I pick up my sleek new phone and in less than a minute I discover this chick’s not my type.
Afterwards I stopped by my former employer’s under the guise that I was there to pick up a cheque I was owed. Real reason? Wanted to feast my eyes on all the cute chicks in the office. Just kidding. However, if I’m being honest I guess I kinda half-expected to meet a boss I had a crush on. U’da seen how much I stuttered (see above) when I told her I was leaving the firm for PH. To be honest if she’d whispered, “Tunde, please stayyyyyyy”, I probably woulda. Dunno what it is with moi and crushes on older women, but it’s been a feature in my life for as long as I can remember. If it wasn’t crushes on my mom’s mates or the lady next door, it was on my oldest bro’s girlfriends. Was real accident prone as a kid and ended up in the clinic at least 2ice a month. I recall this nurse who was fine as heck, but had a knack for giving painful injections where ur bum would hurt for a week afterwards. Did that stop me from finding ways to get to see her? Nope. And to think I was less than 8 years old at the time. Same thang when I got to high school. Spent 3 years struggling to cope in Further Maths class just ‘cos the teacher, who was old enuff to be my mama, reminded me of Claire Huxtable from The Cosby Show. Sad, I know. Wonder if I’d still be this way when say I’m 60. Would I have crushes on 80 and 90 year olds then? Hmmmmm, makes one wonder, don’t it?
Later, I met up with mates for lunch and caught a movie with another mate in the evening. There I was eagerly anticipating Bryan Singer’s new masterpiece and what I got instead was Superman Returns. After seeing the movie I decided it would be best for all concerned if Superman had remained where he was. This was a long ass movie that made more sense being a TV movie on the Lifetime network. Man, Bryan shoulda helmed X3 and left this mess to Brett Ratner, at least that way we’da seen Superman getting into real fights. Oh look, Superman stops a plane from crashing and a car from ramming into folk on the sidewalk. Yawn. Man, if my date wasn’t fine I’da walked outta the cinema. Come to think of it I have never walked outta any movie; not even while watching Michael, Mars Attacks, The Blair Witch Project, Driven, Practical Magic, etc. I am either a cheapskate who wants his money’s worth or an eternal optimist. U see a crap movie by ur fav actor or director and u hope against hope that the movie in the end would justify the time u’da spent doing something more worthwhile like, er, getting high on weed. Sadly this is never the case.
While driving home kept analyzing Superman Returns over and over again and couldn’t for the life of me fathom that same dude who helmed the seminal great comic book movie (XMen) would make such a listless chick flick. Maybe if Tim Burton had had his way and cast Nicholas Cage as Superman we’d have had a more pleasant viewing experience. Weirdest thang about this movie is ALL female friends who’ve seen it raved on and on about it. U what? Either my estrogen level’s at an all time low, hence I’m way outta touch with my feminine side, or my female mates have crap taste. Yeah, the latter would probably explain why none of them ever consented to be my girlfriend.
So here are things I hated about the movie…….oh, if u haven’t seen the movie u might wanna skip this section of the blog.
1. Kate Bosworth:- Now Kate Bosworth’s good looking enough but she just didn’t seem quite right for the role. Besides how am I supposed to root for a dumb liar - probably blonde underneath that brunette wig - like Lois Lane? I’m supposed to believe she won a Pulitzer Prize and yet cannot use a spellchecker? “How many F’s are there in catastrophe?”, she once asked. The password to her computer? ‘Superman’. As if nobody woulda guessed that.
To top it all off she convinced some mug, who conveniently happens to be wealthy, he was the father of her son when she knew all along it was Superman. She take my money / When I’m in need / Yeah, she’s a trifling friend indeed / Oh, she’s Lois Lane…
Imagine how u’d feel if after 5 years of telling ur mates how proud u are of ur son u fiind out he ain’t urs; and worst of all the dude could probably kick ur arse if he wanted to.
Lois Lane’s mug: “Son, u are grounded. Turn off the TV and go to ur room!”
Seperboy: “Are u sure u wanna do that, surrogate dad with no superpowers? U do know I’d fly outta the window to my room and watch TV anywhere I wanted, right?”
2. Brandon Routh:- Dude seemed like perfect casting as he looks a lot like the late Chris Reeve, but still something wasn’t right. At the end of the movie when he repeats a speech - the same one his father gave him - to his son u’d tell he couldn’t carry it off. It was almost as bad as Orlando Bloom’s rallying call to the untrained warriors at the end of Kingdom Of Heaven. Disappointing, utterly disappointing. Hey, totally forgot that Orlando Bloom’s dating Kate Bosworth. She must be the one responsible for such atrocious performances then. Don’t y’all look at me like that! I had to blame someone other than Bryan Singer for this mess of a movie. After he made The Usual Suspects he earned a mulligan for life in my books.
3. Screenplay:- I know Bryan was partly responsible for the screenplay, but we can’t blame him (see above). Okay, okay maybe a tad bit. He may be this generation’s George Lucas, i.e. marvelous director who’s so insecure he feels he’s gotta have an input in the screen dialogue. That ‘catastrophe’ line mentioned above was reminiscent of Storm’s from the first XMen movie: “Do u know what happens to a toad when it’s hit by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.” Lol…someone give this woman an Oscar. Too late she already has one.
4. Superman:- I am a huge fan of The Hulk comics and guess I dissect every comic book movie so voraciously ‘cos was disappointed with the movie version of the character. Goodness knows if I had my way DareDevil would still be lounging in development hell (geddit? No? Aww, forget yous). Notwithstanding my bias u still gotta admit that peeps in Metropolis must be as dumb as Lois if all it takes to convince them that Clark Kent isn’t Superman is a pair of geeky glasses and an uncurled lock of hair.
Besides if Superman’s supposed to be all honest and stuff how can he afford to buy a new pair of clothes every day on his reporter’s salary? Also, someone’s bound to notice the correlation between the instances of newly abandoned clothes in telephone boxes and times when someone calls out for help, don’t ya think?
5. Kevin Spacey:- Yup, still can’t stand him. He’s got ways to go to make up for those I wanna win another Oscar parts he took after American Beauty.
6. Not enough information:- There are things the geek in me woulda loved to have seen in this movie. For example, on the day (I assumed it was daytime ‘cos during the night Lois woulda been too busy turning tricks for extra money) Supe and Lois consummated their relationship did Supe take off his costume? How does he keep his costume clean, does he have a special drycleaner who is sworn to secrecy? Speaking of which, how does Clark Kent take a pee if he has that costume under his ‘normal’ clothes all the time?
However, the most pressing question that needs an answer is: how long’s Supe been a voyeur? I mean what else would u call someone who’d levitate outside Lois’s home to eavesdrop on a conversation she’s having with her latest baby daddy? Does he acknowledge he has a problem? If so, who is his sponsor at Superhero Voyeurs Anonymous? I reckon it’d be Spiderman.
Thursday: Woke up at 7am AGAIN and went jogging. Hung out with mate I have a crush on. Problem is she’s younger than I am and time has proven such Tunde crushes don’t last long enuff to leave a memory. Now if she was older we’d be talking stuttering – no, it’s not tautology - on a major scale. Anyways, soon-to-be-forgotten crush got outta her ride just as I was parking mine, but by the time I caught up with her some bloke had tried to make a pass at her with the line, “…was waiting for u to come out of ur car”. Huh? Isn’t that a stalker line? Lol. My hello line in the UK at one time used to be, “wanna catch a movie?”. Not as bad as a mate who moved to the US and used to open up conversations with, “Hi, I just moved here from the UK and not sure if u could describe how to get to this address…”. Dude said this for at least six months into his stay. Hey, us guys gotta try.
Later hooked up with a hookup who just turned 20. Not a bad nite ‘til she thot it would be romantic to make me guess where she lived. As a result so I ended up driving around for almost an hour just to please this chick’s Enid Blyton-inspired fantasies. While forcing a fake smile when I really wanted to choke her I thought, “Thank goodness I bought a full tank of gas in my car. Now u see why I hate hookups? Man, I’m getting too old for this…”
Friday: Stopped by former employer’s again and no, didn’t get to see my crush. Boo hoo. Hooked up with mate and left her’s later than planned ‘cos she wouldn’t leave the crib ‘til she’d seen her fav Mexican soap opera. No, no don’t even get me started on that. I won’t say nada, let’s just move on.
Went to a bar that has gone the Lagos route and is now a de facto nite club. Man, we need something to do late nite in Lagos that doesn’t necessarily involve clubbing. An all-nite drive thru movie theater? All nite bowling alley, maybe? I know there’s that li’l thang called security that keeps peeps indoors when it’s late, but there’s gotta be another way to have fun in the wee hours of the morning. C’mon people think. I need something ingenious. Speaking of ingenious did I ever tell y’all about a cuz of mine who was broke so he convinced this chick it’d be romantic to go the museum. Of course, he conveniently forgot to tell her that it was free to get in. Maybe I’d hook cuz up with that 20 yr old chick.
So stepped into this bar cum club cum to-be-seen spot and scanned the place for familiar faces. Then I saw a face that was too damn familiar. Almost jumped outta my skin when I saw my bro-in-law who lives in the UK. U what? Yup.
Bro-in-law: “My guy, how far?”
Tunde: “Dude, what u doing here? When did u arrive in the country?”
Bro-in-law: “Got in 2 days ago from South Africa. It’s all hush hush though. U didn’t see me.”
Tunde (laughs): “Of course, I didn’t.”
Now I didn’t see the dude with any chick or the like, but u can’t help but ask urself, If u saw ur in-law cheating on a sibling would u tell? Thought about this long and hard and it’s one of those questions u never quite sure how to respond. Pray it never happens, but don’t think I’d tell my sisters if stuff like that occurs. However, I’d blab like a talk-show host if the offended party was a male sibling. I know it ain’t fair, and there ain’t no rhyme or reason to my response but hey, shi gata ga nai.
Anyways, so chilling with my date outside when bro-in-law stops by as I’m about to pay the usual exorbitant drinks bill.
Bro-in-law: “No, no, this is on me.”
Tunde: “U sure? Thanks, dude.”
Tunde (whispering to date): “Hey, since he’s paying, u sure u don’t wanna order champagne?”
Date: “Lol…u not serious.”
Bro-in-law: “Man, u know that dude u saw me with inside? He’s the reason I came out tonite. Today’s his 48th birthday. Er, funny thang is when he said we’d go out I told him I sensed I was gonna see u. I dunno why.
Tunde (thinking, “surely this dude doesn’t think I am as dumb as Lois Lane. Wait til I tell the boys when I get home we gonna laff about this for years to come…”): “Woah, u don’t say. Always knew u had that clairvoyance/ESP thang going on.”
Bro-in-law (probably thinking, “did he just buy that, or is he yanking my chain? Maybe I’d buy him more drinks. Damn, the punk doesn’t drink”): “Why, thank u. Anyways, I’m off to bed now. Gimme a call b4 I leave on Tuesday.”
Tunde: “Sure. Oh, forgot to tell u Chief’s traveling to the UK tomorrow morning.”
Bro-in-law: “Damn, and the dude’s definitely gonna call my crib. Gotta call ur sis asap to cook up a story.”
Tunde: “Lol…hey, I didn’t see u.”
Got bored with the bar and we decide to go dancing. We drive to this club that’s on a major road and cars are parked everywhere, messing up traffic.
Tunde: “I hear this is how bad traffic is when folk go for those monthly religious conventions just outside Lagos.”
Date: “Lol…yeah. Never been to one of those though. Ain’t it ironic that Friday nite while peeps are going for nite vigil others are here struggling to get into a club.”
Tunde: “U said it, sister.”
Finally got into the club after wrangling and cracking jokes for near on 30 minutes to convince the bouncers to let us in. Man, always had this blog I wanted to write about clubbing and the weirdness of it all. In what other bizness does a client forego a sum (gate fee) with no sure sign of reasonable service/returns (phone numbers or a hookup)? I promise y’all I get to it someday. Here’s a snippet of what’s in my head so far.
U go to any club anywhere in the world and u can be guaranteed to see the same species. There is:
a) Main man/woman:- This is the dude/chick who never misses a weekend at the club. They go to the club so often the bouncers, waiters, barmen, even the urinals know them. They usually have loadsa money to spend or are mates with the club owner. They mostly in the VIP and hardly visit other clubs ‘cos they scared they won’t be feted as much. This specie is good to have as a mate if u wanna get in to clubs for free.
b) MTV person: This is a guy/girl who spends Sunday to Thursday watching music videos on MTV so they can show off their latest moves on Friday. Usually becomes the center of attention on the dance floor and hops clubs when peeps stop noticing him/her. Been known to spend a fortune on dry cleaning after a nite of heavy dancing.
c) My neighbor has MTV specie: Unlike MTV person this dude cannot afford to pay his cable bill so is unable to do enuff research on the latest dance steps. As a result by the time he masters a dance move it’s no longer in vogue. This anachronistic creature was recently spotted doing a Robot - Running Man dance combo. Hey, at least he’s inventive.
d) Slutty specie: She’ll dance with anyone if u buy her a drink. Frequents same club so often she’s probably made out with Main man and MTV person on the same nite. Usually hustles for a ride to and from club.
e) Moody specie: U can spot her a mile off. Her boyfriend just dumped her so she decides to go clubbing as revenge to prove she can get a man. Trouble is every man that asks for a dance gets shunted off with a crude retort. Leaves club wondering why guys stopped asking her to dance after the first hour. Usually surrounded by mates who dump her as soon as a guy comes their way.
f) Innocent specie: She acts all nice and ‘oh I can’t dance’ until her fav song comes on. Then she becomes a maniac, maniac on the floor, and she dances like she’s never danced before. Always fun watching her abysmal rendition of Shakira’s moves in My Hips Don’t Lie.
g) Ko si arugbo ni Ghana specie: This is the single mother who’s got 3 kids by 3 different men, but is still hoping to
h) Calcified specie: This dude’s the oldest guy in the club and usually shows up with 2-3 girls in tow as he has huge wad of cash to be disposed of. Tries to entertain his harem with tales of how much better clubbing was in his day. Usually found sobbing in his bed at the end of the nite regretting why he never had much fun when he was younger. Wife reacts to this by smacking him on the head with a table lamp.
i) Normal specie: Goes clubbing now and then with sole purpose of having fun and doesn’t care for fronting. Was last spotted hanging out with his bro-in-law in a club.
Yup, y’all guessed right. Stepped into this club and found my bro-in-law there as well. So much for going to bed early. An hour later dude comes up to me:
Tunde (laughs): “My guy. No worries, I no see u.”
Bro-in-law: “Nah, not that at all. U see how I’m just chilling by myself with no woman, right? Why then does ur sister get apprehensive when I tell her I wanna go out with the boys.
Tunde (thinking, “Man, wish this dude would cut it out. My date’s a heckuva dancer and I’d like to get back to her sometime this evening, please”): “Sure. Whatever.”
All in all was quite a good nite out. Bumped into a few folk I hadn’t seen in years and most surprising was Miguel’s ex who lives in the ATL but is over in Lagos for the summer holidays. She’s the ex that still sends shivers down Miguel’s bones; a phenomenon I refer to as it. Why it? Well, when I started writing a journal in 1994 I needed a short word/phrase to describe atypical crushes/feelings for chicks, especially ex-girlfriends, and since my vocabulary then’s not as expanded as it is now I made do with that word. To be honest, I still can’t find an adequate enuff word to describe that feeling. It’s like having a soft spot for someone, only multiply that by a million. It butterflies mostly occur when u meet ur first love (or second or third) or an ex u still care deeply about; and instances of it can also make u do foolish things. ‘Cos of it I have tried to be the good ol’ ex, u know the problem solver and shoulder to cry on, but realized I ended up coming off as an avuncular git. Now, only contact it ex’s occasionally and save my thots to myself. It ex wants to be a stripper? Good, it’d be fun. She wants to start doing coke? No problemo, as long as I can be there to blog about it. Lol….just kidding folks…………….or am I? Hmmmm.
(Psst. Don’t tell Miguel this, but lied to him his it ex is in Lagos for her traditional wedding. Yes, I know I’m bad, but u gotta love me, right?).
Saturday: Took mate to get pirated DVDs at some place that’s slowly becoming a Lagos tourist attraction. For some reason I watch these DVDs, but won’t buy them ‘cos of some weird principle about not supporting piracy. Worst hypocrite alive? Yup…and loving it.
Sunday: Flew back to PH and glad I didn’t spend longer in Lagos like I wanted to ‘cos we’ve now been informed there’s a hole in the PH airport runway and the airport’s been closed for repairs. Just great. As if I needed another excuse to hate the state government. Man, so mad I feel like choking someone. Where’s a 20 yr old chick when u need one? Tot ziens and God bless.
PS
This just in: Another of Miguel’s ex’s just gave birth to a boy and guess what his name is? MIGUEL. Now it’s most probably a coincidence; maybe her husband or father’s also called Miguel, but can u imagine how much fun I’m gonna have with this? Man, I love this blogging thang.
2 Comments:
I am still looking for the word to use to describe you outside ''crazy''. Loving your blog.
ure hillarious men..luv ur blogs all the way...wonder how u are in person
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