Thank God for my Mom

Y’all, please thank God for my mom. Found out her car got shot at but no one was seriously hurt. Stills feels pretty weird.

Had a bbq last Saturday to commemorate my younger bro’s 21st birthday. It drizzled a li’l bit, but I doubt if snow woulda halted that bbq. It turned out to be more like a party, what with my friends and my 3 siblings’ friends coming over. Combine that with the fact that for every Nigerian invited to a shindig at least 2 more folk are bound to come along with him/her.
Funniest highlight of the day occurred about 8pm. I invited this Asian guy I met about a month ago to the bbq. He came along with his mom and his 2 sisters. They only stayed for a minute and I actually thought that the sea of black folk musta driven them away. It was later I found out that they had a prior engagement. Yesterday, they invited me for a bbq they are having on Sunday. Let’s see if I’ll be the only black person there, just as Marco was the only white guy at my bbq. Gotta give him props though, he blended in quite well. His palate’s now used to so much spicy food I am thinking of recommending him as a candidate for the Honorary Nigerian award. :-)

Went to the evening church service on Sunday ‘cos stayed over at mate’s on Saturday nite. On our way home in the wee hours of the morning he told me about a mate of his whose girlfriend cheated on him. U see this guy’s based in the UK and did his utmost to get the girlfriend here from Nigeria. After having spent only 2 weeks here she was caught out sleeping with another guy. Now her boyfriend’s wondering if he was a mug for sacrificing to pay for the cost of her airline ticket. When I heard this I couldn’t help cracking up. It’s not that I’m insensitive, but if u think about it it’s real funny….well, maybe the mug doesn’t find it funny, but humour me for a minute. There are obvious positives to be gained from this situation:

1. The guy’s found out what his girlfriend’s truly like b4 getting married to her. U can’t tell me that she wasn’t communicating with the guy she cheated with while she was in Nigeria ‘cos if the guy’s someone she just met in less than 2 weeks then he must be real slick. So slick he’d be teaching classes.
2. Now he knows what his girlfriend felt like when he was messing around on her while she wasn’t in the country. Maybe this will teach him to appreciate women more….or maybe this’ll push him over the edge and he’ll become a full-blown misogynist. Either way no hair off my bald head.
3. I got a good laugh outta this predicament. I mean this guy was like Morris Chestnut’s xter in The Best Man. He didn’t believe his girl would ever creep on him. Remember what I told y’all in the last blog: what goes around comes around.

Honestly, I’m not insensitive, just realistic. I’ve cheated on all my girlfriends bar one and I’ve been cheated on also. Note: if u are one of my ex-girlfriends u’ll have to wait ‘til my book comes out to find out if it’s u……forget it, for a carton of mango lassi and a pack of toothpicks I’d probably tell u. Ha. Seriously though, I don’t condone cheating, it’s just that if y’all aren’t married u have no reason to be angry forever. I’m still in touch with most of my ex-girlfriends. Why, u ask. Well, there were reasons, other than physical attraction, that made me commit to a relationship with them. So there’s no reason to stop communicating once our ‘relationship’ ended. I’m not saying u don’t hurt when a relationship ends, but once u get over it, don’t dwell on the past. Most peeps I tell this either say I’m foolish for still talking to girls that cheated on me (guys) or I’ve never been in love so I don’t know how much it hurts when a relationship ends due to infidelity (girls). Hey Bobby, what’s French for cow dung?

Here’s advice to y’all out there pining for someone who’s left u (I shall expatiate on these points in the next blog):

1. Don’t listen to music or watch TV. Don’t listen to the radio or play CDs or watch TVs until u are sure u’ve moved on.
2. Take time to move on. It’s no competition, although sometimes u feel it is.
3. Get a decent shoulder to cry on.
4. Channel ur aggression elsewhere.
5. Be honest with urself.

So now that I’ve given y’all free advice, hope y’all can send ur donations to Tunde’s Fund for Publishing His Future Bestseller and Buying A Performance Car. Yes, I accept credit cards and cheques.