The Wedding

It’s now midnight (8th June) and just got home after seeing a movie (VAN HELSING) with a friend I met last week. ”Hey Bobby, what’s French for clichéd, pretentious turd?” Man, that movie was utter drivel. The director/writer copied everything from the Bond movies to The Good, The Bad, The Ugly. The best thing about the movie experience was the company. She’s got a lovely smile and y’all know how I am about gorgeous smiles. Get this: the girl’s got a denim fetish. Yeah, u read that right, a frigging denim fetish. She loves to touch denim so much she carries a strip of it wherever she goes. And I thought I was weird for having a thing for chicks that are left-handed, li’l gap-toothed (a la Xtiana Aguilera, Kate Beckinsale), have dark gums and speak with East-European accents. If y’all happen to come across a girl with the aforementioned attributes and who happens to be a natural blonde Asian (preferably from the Far East) let me know ‘cos I’d no longer be averse to getting hitched.

Speaking of weddings Femi’s was ace. I looked like a million bucks…..and yeah, the happy couple looked aiight too. Ha. Ha. Seriously though, God helped make it a lovely experience. Wish u’da seen the scene after the bride threw the bouquet. I swear some girls left there missing some teeth. The groom didn’t bother throwing the garter ‘cos he knew no guys were gonna reach for it. Guys, what u afraid of? It’s inevitable. In the wise words of my dad, “u are just postponing the evil day”. From my intense research I have a theory that getting married is analogous to joining a secret cult. Firstly, as soon as one gets married one mysteriously gets invited to other weddings; ur Saturdays are no longer ur’s, they are ‘meeting’ days. Next, once u get married u develop the incessant urge to match-make (or ‘initiate’) singletons together. From these observations I have drawn the following conclusions: (1) marriage is such an ace experience that once u take that leap u can’t help but wish others enjoy the same, OR (2) marriage is something so awful u hope others get married so all y’all can commiserate with each other. U be the judge.