Republicans buy Nikes too

Hola peeps. Otra entrada.

Off to Abuja for the weekend. Why? ‘Cos I am still in denial about moving to Warri and recently discovered there’s a direct flight to Abuja from here. I know, I know I’d be over it by now, after all I have spent over a month here but…aaargh let’s just say I can’t be bothered to ‘settle down’ until I return from vacation in February.

Last weekend I was in Lagos and caught Brian McKnight in concert. The line up also included Caron Wheeler (Soul II Soul), Evelyn Champagne King (huge early 80s R&B star) and Sisqo (punk from Dru Hill whose only claim to fame is that he dated Samantha Mumba, my onetime crush and girl I named my second car after). If I’d seen his act not sure I’d not have been tempted to jump on stage to kick his Leprechaun arse. The punk!

Caron Wheeler came on first and tried to get the crowd pumping by singing her new single, but all folk wanted to hear was Back To Life. Can u imagine hearing that song over and over again if u were the originator? No wonder she tried to torture us with her new flop. The mores of has-been music stars I guess. Lagos, I love u. Thanks for having me and hope to see u soon. Sure, whatever girl, just keep singing however do u want me/however do u need me..

Next up was Brian!!!!! Man, I’da screamed like a bitch if I was at the concert alone. Brian!!! The dude, along with Babyface and a smidgen of Boyz II Men, has provided the soundtrack to my relationships. Brian’s Back At One CD was off the ying yang and came out some months after I ended things with my first ever love. In all honesty I think it probably extended my ‘moving on’ period. Ha. It had been a bad breakup and 6,8,12 perfectly encapsulated my feelings. After returning from a date or hanging with some random chick I’d play that song or Babyface’s When Can I See You Again as a litmus test: if I developed melancholy feelings then it’d take all my willpower not to call up ex on the phone. Yup, I am a masochist.

Good thang Brian came on second ‘cos the concert began at 8pm instead of the scheduled 5pm, and as I had to catch the first plane outta Lagos the next morning I wasn’t keen on staying out late. Brian came out with Used To Be My Girl and all the women left their dates and ran forward with their camera phones screaming at the top of their lungs. Women scream when I dance and throw money at me but the way they flocked to him was like kids to The Pied Piper of Hamelin. Man, I am in the wrong business. I wasn’t bothered by all the screaming though I suspect the guy behind me, who had a bemused look when his wife flung her bag at him and ran like crazy to the stage, would be having a serious talk with his wife on the drive home.

Next up was another fav Do I Ever Cross Your Mind. This was turning out to be an excellent night. Brian brought up his teenage sons on stage and they did an acappella version of T-Pain’s Bartender. Yeah, whatever Brian, gimme 6,8,12! 6,8,12! Instead next up was the female pacifier Back At One, and then he said, “In closing I’d like to come down there and sing to u.” In closing?! In friggin’ closing? U what? A measly four songs? That’s what I came to Lagos for? Who cares that Evelyn Champagne King and Sisqo were still gonna perform? I came here to hear 6,8,12 darn it! Couldn’t be bothered to listen to his final song, I was miffed. Now I understand how folk become stalkers. Ha.

Evelyn Champagne King came on and rocked the house, taking us back to the 80s, but was only slightly mollified. She sang about 6 songs and plugged her new CD – first recording in 10 years…oh joy – coming out in 2008 and her husband’s – he’s a jazz, funk, R&B, etc etc guitarist - as well. If she had all that time u mean it’da killed Brian to hum 6,8,12? Woosah Tunde woosah. I am told the organizers plan to bring Toni Braxton next year. Now she’s the only other artiste that’d make me travel across the country for a concert, but b4 I commit myself again I’m gonna need to know how many songs she plans to serenade me with.

Lagos news: The rest of the weekend wasn’t bad as I attended a mate’s 30th birthday party Friday night after making a pit stop at Kinzo’s new crib on the Island - was very impressed, the view took my breath away. While dancing the night away at the party it occurred to me that I mighta reached my dancing peak. Time was when I’d dance all night throwing out free-style moves I came up with five minutes prior, time was when I’d dance to any song that played as long as it wasn’t ragga or dancehall, time was when I’d recall moves from the 80s and 90s and blend them into a recent song, time was…well, Tempus fugit. Now I find myself repeating the same ol’ steps and if I ain’t careful I may end up doing the same ol’ two-step, u know the one, that my dad and his ilk do at parties. Yup, no matter what the band plays it’s two-step all the way.

Pastor (*during pre-marriage counselling*): So Tunde, are u sure u want to get married?
Tunde: Erm, erm, to be honest pastor, I seem to have peaked, u know, in the dance department. If I don’t get married asap I fear I’ll end up doing the two-step at my wedding, and u know that ain’t cool.

Family news: On Saturday I went with Seyi and her son to see Kemi’s twins, but again one of the babies was asleep. Kemi and Seyi both agreed that the one that was awake looks a lot like me. I don’t see it, but if they say so there must be a modicum of truth in their utterances. I don’t blame them though, who’d not want their kid to look like me and have my traits? Okay maybe they mightn’t be so keen on my premature baldness, but Michael Jordan had that as well and look how he turned out.

Cannot wait for Ayo to move back in December ‘cos what I experienced this weekend was somewhat frightful. I arrived at the crib to find it empty. All the parents had travelled and only the helps and security guard were available. A sign of things to come?

Oh yeah, chatted with the dude online and discovered he’s got a new girlfriend – I told ya he accumulates them – who’s moving back to Nigeria in January ‘cos of him. Woah, must be serious. Told Mama about the latest development when I saw her on Sunday and she was shocked. Finally! I knew there’d come a time when I won’t be the last sibling to find out goings-on in the family. She was conflicted as she had gotten close to his last girlfriend ‘cos of him. Aww, poor innocent, naive Mama. It’s at times like these I remember she’s the last sibling. Her older ones, even parents, woulda shrugged at the news. Moi? I typically think, “So another male sibling’s split with his girlfriend? Another one bites the dust. I’m gonna miss her but it’s quite convenient that I have learnt from experience not to get too attached. Let’s see how long this lasts….I hope this one bakes.”

While talking to Loye also discovered he and his hot girlfriend are in splitsville. Seems the London-Lagos distance was a bit too much to handle. The punk! For a chick that hot he oughta have tried harder. Come to think of it Loye said the same thang to me when ex and I ended things months back. Ha huh ha huh ha huh ha huh

PH news: Visited PH for a few days last week ‘cos, gulp, I actually missed the place. Yup, that’s what Warri does to me. Was ace being back in crib after a month away. Everythang was the way I left it…..and that includes the decrepit state of street my house lies on. Who says change ain’t a good thang?

The security curfew’s been extended to midnight now and heard the first weekend after the declaration EVERYONE and their mama was out on the town. Who says change ain’t a good thang?

Power was still abysmal but I didn’t mind, not when I had spent the previous nights at that crap hotel I described two blogs back. I forgot to mention that I did learn a valuable lesson from staying at that place. I learnt to embrace a new sense of adventure after watching a piece on the NTA about an English twenty-something who decided to visit Lagos on a whim. He kept a video diary and chose Lagos ‘cos he discovered though it’s one of the largest cities in the world (est. 15m people) most peeps hadn’t heard of it.

Was particularly pained by the comment of his female mate. She’d been to West Africa and loved every place she went to, but avoided Lagos ‘cos she’d been told she’d be lucky to get outta the airport alive, it was dangerous and corruption was rampant. Didn’t finish the show ‘cos the NTA in all their wisdom abruptly switched programming to the state lottery show and didn’t inform the viewers when the video diary would be continued. From the parts shown dude seemed to have a swell time: he visited a renowned artist’s studio, a workshop teaching youth the arts, and an English lady, coaching football to street kids, who’s been in Lagos for donkey years and though she admitted there are parts of Lagos she’d never go to she also said the same about London, New York, Manchester.

It struck me that if this dude could make an impromptu visit to then I’d learn to explore sections in Warri (after I return from vacation) and see what this town has to offer. The video diary also whetted my appetite for forthcoming trip to Kenya, Uganda and Ghana. It’s about time I visited other swathes of The Motherland, as my African American friends would say. When I conceived the trip at the start of the year the plan was to visit Tanzania, Kenya and Uganda. When folk asked reason for choosing East Africa as a holiday spot my auto-response was, “I have never been to another African country so decided this’d be the time. Besides I have mates in those places so it wouldn’t be like stepping into the unknown.”. That was just trite PC-speak. The real reason? I had told all and sundry I’ll decide on a girlfriend by December 2007, so I reckoned if I am away from the country then they can’t sweat me about it. Besides this’d be my ‘Coming To America’ moment. U don’t geddit? Okay, what do women in East Africa have in common apart from protruding foreheads and massive hips? Dark gums!!! I need to see me loadsa dark gums, maybe that’d aid in my choice of a bride. Serious. I almost added Rwanda to the list of places to visit after Ugandan mate who’d recently returned from the place said, "Dude, u’d DEFINITELY visit there. The women are so stunning Iman wouldn’t get a look in if she moved there".

After viewing said video journal my intentions are now more altruistic. Shall visit, make lifelong friends, take photos, and hopefully, spread the good news that Africa’s more than just dark-hued caudillos with palms forever outstretched expecting aid from the West. And if I happen to catch a glimpse of dark gums in the process, well, what’s a bro to do?

Tot ziens and God bless.

PS
I forgot to mention while at that dump of a hotel I also caught the US Democrats Presidential debate held in Las Vegas. It started at 2am Nigerian time but I set an alarm in order not to miss it – hey, what else did I have to look forward to at the dump?

What did I learn? The most habile of politicians, nah ALL politicians, cannot give a Yes or No answer even when asked to do so.

Wolf Blitzer: Is ur name Tunde, yes or no?
Tunde the politician: Wolf, the focus should not be on my name, but on why we let names divide us. When I am President it won’t matter if ur name is Joseph, Jose, Josef, or Idris we would all be one. In fact I’ll scrap names and we’d have numbers instead. Patrick McGoohan eat ur heart out.