Bane of my life

Hola peeps. Moving to Nigeria in less than a month and I must say that I’m still exciting about this new adventure. One thing though, I’m a bit worried at recent phone calls from my ex, who’s based in Spain but is currently visiting Nigeria. She calls at least once a week to enquire about my scheduled return. She’s a cool chick and all, but ain’t no way I’m messing with her again – I don’t go back to ex-girlfriends. It’s kinda like a dog going back to its sick, I feel. Besides, we had ‘the talk’ in 2000 and we decided – I decided – that we weren’t gonna work out. How did she take it? I dunno; I left Nigeria the next morning. Anyways, we still on cool terms and we spoke now and then while she was in Spain. Always planned to visit her there, but didn’t quite get to it. She actually chided me for this once, and angrily asked if I didn’t wanna visit her ‘cos I was scared she’d jump my bones.

Naturally I was shocked to hear this, seeing as we never consummated our relationship – she was, erm, ‘cherry-unplucked’ when we went out and I didn’t attempt to erm, unpluck the cherry as I didn’t feel comfortable doing that. Maybe I saw too many movies as a kid, but I’ve always felt women never forget the ‘first one’ and I didn’t want that responsibility……‘cos I’d feel guilty if stuff didn’t work out with us. Well, while arguing over about my noncommittal travel plans I discovered that all the times (2001 - 2003) she made me feel guilty for ending the relationship she had actually got the cherry popped. Imagine the gall! Why are women so skilled on doing the double-standard thang?

So like I was saying, she’s visiting Nigeria now and has actually offered to meet me up at the airport. I refused; obviously. Don’t want my folks getting ideas. The thing is I don’t mind hanging out with her, it’s the expectations (from both sides) I don’t wanna confront. Forget expectations, it’s the sex aspect I wanna avoid. I cannot count the number of times I’ve determined not to fall but like a junkie I keep seeking out chicks, or they seek me out. That’s one of the pros of my impending trip; I get to delete ‘peripheral’ numbers from my phone and PDA. U know, those numbers that u store just in case u get bored on a cold, Friday nite.

Most of y’all don’t know this, but sex has been the bane of my life for ages. I’ve tried and tried and tried, but I keep going back. I’ve fasted, I’ve prayed, I have even told my sister to pray for me – and I don’t talk to family about my relationships! I’ve tried being in relationships, but then sex always comes into play. I’ve tried not having relationships (my last ended in Feb 2003….or was it March 2003?) but then all that does is make me feel less guilty ‘cos I ain’t cheating on anyone. I feel guilty ‘cos I’ve let God down. I know the Bible says He’ll forgive ur sins if u repent and ask His forgiveness, but it seems I’m forever asking for forgiveness for fornication. I know sin = sin = sin, but I’d rather my sin was less sexual and maybe something else. Catch my drift? I need to get this monkey off my back. Hey, maybe I’d get married! That way I can have guilt-free sex. Hey, if u are my future wife and u’re reading this, don’t be alarmed. I’m sure there’ll be other reasons (apart from sex) why I’ll propose to u………or will there? Ha huh ha huh ha Babes, if u still reading this and haven’t called that busybody friend of urs I can’t stand, I’m sorry. U know me, u know I love u and I’m just joking about the ‘sex’ thing………..or am I?

Tot ziens. I’m having a farewell shindig at the Nigerian joint du jour tomorrow evening so if u’re in London I hope to see y’all……and if u’re female make sure u look ur worst.